In the summer of ‘94 a kindly senior decided to give her grandson's
canoe to the Sudbury Canoe Club. She had considered turning it into
a planter, but since she was selling her home, she thought it would be easier
to have the canoe removed than to have the fill delivered (in Sudbury we
ordered-in soil).
We never asked what her grandson thought of the matter, for one should
never look a gift boat down the keel. Instead, we simply assumed that
like any typical Sudbury grandson, this one could not have come to any good,
and was best left out of the decision loop concerning his own canoe.
We moved the boat to the clubhouse, where alongside the C-15, the K-4,
and various shells from more than one Olympics, it sat with pride and dignity
-- a Sportspal, the toxic waste of the canoe world.
We tried using it for the learn to paddle program, but the participants
laughed at it. We tried using it for the kids’ day camp program, but
the tykes only kicked it. We tried giving it away to a swift water
rescue technician for a pin boat, but he was worried about being brought
up on environmental charges. Truly, this is a boat which no one wanted.
Then came the great hospital charity challenge. Every year the Sudbury
General used our recreational boats for a round-the-mark race -- a day of
fun paddling competition among the hospital staff. This summer one
of the competitors had a most unsporting idea. She wanted to train a
race crew and run with a Balmy Beach Cruiser -- a classic C-4. Out training
before the sun, up and back Lake Ramsey. This was a crew with promise,
for along with two other nurses, the cox had selected a priest for her crew.
The day of the big event grew near. The recreational boats were
towed from the club to the main beach, a natural amphitheatre which has
been a popular canoe spotting site since Bill Beaton, the Mayor of Sudbury,
used to sprint his C-1 up and back in front of the townsfolk wearing no more
than an athletic supporter. (Yes, as you might have guessed, this is
why he was elected Mayor, is why paddling is so popular in Sudbury, and is
why grandsons from Sudbury can never come to any good.)
Word must have got out about the ringer crew and boat, for at the last
minute the Cruiser was disqualified. Lots were drawn for boats, and
mysteriously the Cruiser's crew drew, as you well can guess, the Sportspal.
The fix was in, but somehow it was against the Cruiser's crew.
The gun was fired, the crews set off, the crowd cheered. Although
the Sportspal did not move too quickly, it did make it out to the buoy before
it went all the way under. Not bad, considering it had nearly been
a flower planter. Of course this was a Boeotian consolation for the
crew, who had trained so hard and had hopes so high. It also left the
problem as to how to return a submerged boat to shore, for while old Sportspals
may not float, they also do not entirely sink. They are something like
the Civil War's Monitor class.
The good officers of the Ontario Provincial Police came to the rescue
in their chase boat. They pulled up to the submerged Sportspal and
kindly asked if they might be of assistance. It was then that a miracle
took place. As the police approached, the priest in his cassock stood up.
Some might say that he was standing on a submerged Sportspal, but those of
us who were there, and who had witnessed the mysterious disqualification
of the Cruiser and the even more mysterious drawing of the Sportspal, saw
the truth from several hundred yards away. The priest was walking on
water.
The lowest of boats, an unwanted Sportspal, found its place in destiny
as part of another Northern miracle.